Nothing Like a Customer

Ah, the American consumer. Is there nothing he can't complain about, no feeling of rage he can't inspire in retail workers everywhere? It's probably a mistake to use "he" because it's usually women customers that you want to beat with the closest blunt object available. The stupidity can cross genders occasionally, but don't try to tell me that a man walking purposfully to the customer service desk is a more terrifying sight to the poor clerk than a woman doing the same thing.

I'm definitely tredding on the territory of Not Always Right with this post (which is an amazingly funny blog that I'm insanely jealous of), but the following is an exchange I heard in Circuit City. For those of you who don't know, Circuit City is going out of business, and so it has pretty much everything in the store on sale. Some prices are a bit ridiculous.

Circuit City Guy (CCG): (bitterly joking with his friend) Want an iPod for $.30? Sure! Here ya go! (laughs)

Crazy Woman Who Believes Everything She Hears (CWWBESH): Really?! Oh my gosh! I'm so glad I came out today! Do you have five of them left?

CCG: (Thinking she is joking along) Yeah, if only, right?

CWWBESH: ::stares::

CCG: (Realizing she's an idiot) Oh, ma'am, I was just joking with my friend. The prices are lower, but they're not that low!

CWWBESH: Well, you said it, and now you have to give me it. I want five iPods for $.30 each!

CGG: Um, no. I'm not selling them to you.

CWWBESH: WHAT?! I want to see your manager! I'll have you fired for false advertising!

CCG: Ok then. The store is going out of business in a few days, but hey, I guess I can always leave early!

CWWBESH: ::leaves in a huff::

At which point there was much celebrating and high-fiving of the Circuit City Guy.

I can't imagine how good it felt to be able to refuse and insult an incredibly stupid customer. Before I had this "real" job (read: love it so much I'm convinced that it's a figment of my imagination), I had plenty of retail jobs. Sears, Hallmark, Kohls...oh yes. I know, my dear Circuit City Guy. I know how many times you've escaped to the back room just to laugh at a customer or to attempt to pound your head into the concrete walls. I know how many times you've found yourself staring open-mouthed at a customer, attempting to reconfigure their logic in a way that won't make your brain implode. Cheers to you for taking advantage of the moment to lay a bit of verbal smackdown on a deserving customer. So sorry you had to lose your job to be able to do it.

The Beginning

Hello there, interwebs. So I'm starting a blog. Well, I think I'm starting a blog. This might not be the best time to be adding something new to my life. After all, I just started a new job, I'm getting married in 2010, and I'm moving into my first apartment in a month or two. And seeing that you have to spend approximately $YourLifeSavings on a wedding just to make it passable, I think I might need to find something that pays a little more than a starting teacher's salary.

A second job is totally what I expected to need after graduating with honors and with a dual-certification degree! Serves me right for sucking at science.

But enough moping! That's not why I started this blog. I started it to share with you, the almighty internet, the stupidity that I experience in my everyday life. No, it's not another teacher blog complaining about her students and fearing for the future of humanity. My students are smart. My students had to compete to get where they are. They have common sense and they actually use it. Well, most of the time. They are teenagers, after all, and so have stupid moments of their very own. But for the most part, this will be a compedium of what I like to call "814 Moments," a collection of moronic happenings from in and around that very special place called Central Pennsylvania. And maybe, just maybe, if you're very good, I'll throw in some national and worldwide stupidity in here for you. So enjoy, internets! Bask in those moments that make you want to sterilize, bludgeon, and otherwise maim your fellow man. Welcome to Holy Frijoles.